Jack's Moments
by MelancholiclyCreepy
Summary: Jack's unforgettable moments in Rapture.


I just wanted to tell you guys all about my freaky moments when I was hopelessly stuck in the hell place called Rapture. So here is a couple of shit load shit in my pant moments.

When I was entering Rapture in the bathysphere and encountered my first splicer I honestly thought that I was going to have a heart attack. It wasn't the fact that she just slaughtered a man in front of my eyes. I've watched enough Saw to know be able to handle a little bit of blood and guts. But it was the fact that she wanted to…… _wrap me in a sheet? _Honestly who says that? I mean are you planning on killing me or planning on having me in bed tonight?

Another run into with creepy splicers was when I was in the cremating place and I saw some crazy guy stabbing his heart out on some dead body. And the lights just went out as soon as I was going to catch a glimpse of some action. I want to join the party too you know! Yeah so I walked into the place where he was standing a few minutes ago but only found some lame stuff. And then on my way out I was lazy and didn't want to walk all the way around so I climbed onto the ledge and immediately the guy just jumps out of nowhere and wants to cut me open! Yeah well no worries now… I pwned him with my wrench.

So I was looking for my telekinesis plasmid when I spotted something very welcoming. A new gun! So obviously I ran to it with joy. And just as I was appreciating it and cradling it in my hands the lights went off again! Come on Ryan! This place isn't going to fix itself up! Honestly practice what you preach man… And so I looked around well attempted to, And with this crappy lighting it was pretty hard. And then all of a sudden a horde of splicers come running at me! Yeah but thanks to my new buddy here I took care of them…

I was making my way around this place still in search of my telekinesis when I came to a halt. It read: _Dentist_. And common sense says that as soon as you see _Dentist_ you walk away as quick as you can. I remember the time when I was 14 I had to get braces and it hurt so bad and the thing was my dentist was one heck of a bastard! He was pricking me with needles and didn't expect me to react to it?! And so I bit down on his hand and he got all pissed at me. Yeah I think that the braces were put on tighter because he wanted to get equal… yeah good times… yeah so immediately my mind was screaming _BACK AWAY JACK! BACK AWAY! _But you know what I sucked it up, heaved my chest up into the air. Stuck my chin up and I walked through the door – like a man! Yeah I soon regretted it. All those hot – but scary nurses almost got the better of me. Yeah and then I was walking around and then as soon as I entered all this icy breeze came down on me and then some dead person's body was lying on the patient's chair. Man I'd hate to be them. So I looked around and I saw a whole bunch of goodies with my name on them. So I walked over and picked up the stuff and as soon as I turned around a creepy dentist guy was standing right in my face! I almost peed myself! And the bad thing is I don't think Rapture sells undergarment. And so the both of us just stood there… waiting…… for a long time… he didn't react like how the other splicers did… he just stood there acting as if it was all cool. Which it actually was… the place was freezing! I'll be sure to tell Ryan to get some heating around here when I get the chance. God damn this place! No wonder it's under the freaking ocean! God didn't want it up on surface that's for sure. If they can't take the water how are they supposed to survive the winters here?! Yeah and so I inspected the dentist from his head to toe and as soon as I got near his crotch he started attacking me! And so I obviously blew his brains out! Never again am I ever going to come back to this dental place and I'm not recommending it to my friends either. Friendly atmosphere my ass!

So I eventually got my telekinesis and man is it awesome! The only down side to these plasmids are that you have to prick yourself with needles and when you want to recharge then you have to prick yourself – again with Eve to get the plasmids to work. Honestly if this place is full of geniuses then start working on plasmids that don't need Eve!

Yeah so I got into Steinman's lab and decided to pay him a visit. Hey I mean if all works out and he's a cool guy I think I might also want to fix up this close to hot body of mine to make it officially sexy. But I was wrong. All of the doctors in this place are jackasses. He was stabbing some chick and I swear she was pretty hot, I don't know what he's complaining about. And so I thought that I ought to be polite and wait until he's finished with his patient but no. He saw me. And instead of welcoming me he pulled out a gun and started firing at me! Honestly is everyone in this place going to get violent at the site of company? I mean I think I'm doing a really nice job of paying you guys a visit. What are friends for right? But no! You all have to come and either throw bombs at me, or try to mutilate me or shoot me down like nobody's business! And to top off the warm welcome he called me ugly! And he also told me to look in a mirror. Okay and that was the last straw. I blew his brains out too. Yeah but before I did that I got to electrocute him. Haha. Good times…

Yeah and while going up some elevator I heard some lady talking about some stuff. I honestly had no idea what on Earth she was talking about. She was just mumbling gibberish and then I walked out wrench in hand ready to whack it at anybody's head if they came too close. Instead no one came charging at me. So I decided to continue on but guess who I found? The lady splicer. She was hunched over a crib talking to it. I was _whoa man I can't kill this lady she has a child. _But then I was like it's not like anyone spared a second to think about me so I whacked her over the head and she went out cold. Cold like the dentist's office that I later arrived at. And so I walk over to see the child, you know maybe I would be a good person and take it in or give it to my friend's wife who is desperately trying to have children. But why would she want to have children? She can't even make a child not to mention children. Yeah well I thought about doing that but then I realized that it was in fact a gun. I mean I'm not complaining about the gun I'm just saying that that lady was a creepo which I soon figured out so was everyone in this place.

Also one last thing, when I first got the electrobolt plasmid I had to inject it into my wrist. It hurt! It was blinding man! Never do that! I am giving you a heads up in case Ryan Jr. decides to make Rapture II. (Which is Jack himself that hypocrite.) And so I threw myself over the ledge and landed face down. It hurt and I could have sworn that my nose is now slightly bent. And so two splicers come along and starts saying some stuff that I don't understand. I mean one of them said it looked like my cherry just popped? What is that supposed to mean? Isn't that something that only happens to girls?!

Things that tick me off is having to prick myself with a freaking needle just to get a plasmid and to recharge it. I also had to go through a lot of shit to get some of the plasmids. I had to craw through tight spaces; I had to face those bitchy turrets and security bots. And most of all I hate hacking. My lord I swear every time I mess up my one second I get shocked with like a voltage of 1000000000000000000 light bulbs. It hurts more then pricking me. Gosh! If Ryan were still alive I'd sue him for all he's got! Maybe then can I pay back all of my student loans and I can finally get that sexy body I've always wanted… Huh. Who knows with my luck I could probably end up in Atlantis next? Then there'll be another person to sue.


End file.
